


honey and rose petals and the dark of the night

by untiltheveryend



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, and this is the result, episode 15 ruined me, ten mini drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4398023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untiltheveryend/pseuds/untiltheveryend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are only ten things that Laura is certain of in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	honey and rose petals and the dark of the night

**Author's Note:**

> this story is a) completely ridiculous and 2) almost entirely lacking in plot or purpose but what the hell. this is best summarised as self-therapy after episode 15. it mostly fits with canon but my mindset was au-ish when I wrote it. also, this is un-betaed so sorry for any niggly little mistakes they are all mine own.
> 
> disclaimer: don’t own the characters.

There are only ten things that Laura is certain of in her life.

### One

Her father is a brave man and a coward. He tries so hard to protect her that sometimes she cannot help but get hurt. This is not something that he will ever understand.

### Two 

She likes the feeling of dirt under her fingernails, because it makes her feel alive. She likes the way that it tells everyone around her that she isn’t perfect. Laura thinks she likes things best when they are a little bit broken.

### Three

When she was a little baby, her mother used to hold her in her lap and tell her stories, big stories filled with beautiful words that painted pictures on the back of Laura’s eyelids. They were full of magic and mystery, love and betrayal. Her mother’s voice had soothed and sweetened, so even the most gruesome tales tasted like honey and rose petals on Laura’s tongue. 

Sometimes she dreams of the stories, of the grand castle built in the clouds, or the three princesses with a thousand glamourous dresses between them, and hearts cold with misuse. In the mornings she wakes, and remembers nothing but a bright and colourful blur, and the taste of honey and rose petals. 

### Four

There are four sea-shells tucked in a silken bag at the back of her wardrobe that she found once on a beach. On the worst days she takes them out, so she can press them one by one against her ear and listen to the _shush shush shush_ of the ocean. The sound is not a memory, but an illusion. Some days this matters.

Some days, it does not. It is not the worst thing, to be in love with an illusion.

### Five

Everything in her life was changed the moment she met Carmilla Karnstein. 

Laura keeps her scars carefully tucked inside of her. She pulls and plucks at them until nobody can see them but her. They make her itch but she doesn’t let herself scratch, except in the dark of the night when nobody might be watching. 

Carmilla wears her scars on the outside. They fill her eyes and her lips and tuck into the crevices of her spine. She doesn’t turn them away, her hands are full of them. 

The word _secret_ is not the same as the word _regret._

### Six

Mortality isn’t optional. You don’t get to pretend otherwise, it just isn’t.

And yet, it is.

### Seven

Just because something is beautiful on the outside, that doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous on the inside. Wrapping paper doesn’t make something a gift.

The opposite is also true. 

The word _monster_ sits heavy on Laura’s tongue but it rolls right out of Carmilla’s mouth, with a sarcastic twist following on its tail. Laura tells herself that a word is just a word, like a bowl is just a bowl, only scary if you put a scorpion in it. But words and bowls are different things, no matter how often you tell yourself otherwise. 

### Eight

She doesn’t love things because they are beautiful, or because they smile at her, or because she wants to. She loves things because she can’t help but not. 

Because she reached out with her soul and there was something (someone) there whose soul touched hers. Because love isn’t a river that follows the path of least resistance, it’s the man still climbing, halfway to the summit of Mt. Everest. It’s hope and it’s never taking the easy way out. 

### Nine

She never told Carmilla any of the little things about herself, but somehow she knows them anyway.

Knows that Laura never remembers to wear socks, even when it’s freezing out. Knows that she likes her blankets threadbare and her towels fluffy, that she eats the middle of her sandwich before the crusts and that she has a birthmark the shape of a bumblebee on the back of her neck. Knows that she likes her tea weak and sweet, but that she likes cocoa better. 

Laura isn’t sure how anyone learns about the little things without asking, she just knows that they do. She just knows how quietly safe it feels.

### Ten

Carmilla is beautiful, but she isn’t good. It’s just that sometimes, the things that scare us are also the things that keep us safe. 

Laura isn’t scared of the dark, and she isn’t scared of Carmilla. That doesn’t mean she is safe at night time. It doesn’t mean she is safe at all, but Laura has never loved that word like her father does.

She knows that _scared_ is just a synonym for _alive._


End file.
